January 30, 2012

It Puts the Lotion On: Haus of Gloi Review

I have a minor obsession with lotion.

For this reason I have included  Q. Lazzarus' 'Goodbye Horses' to set the mood for this post. Please play as you see fit (Embarrassing Side Note: I really like this song, like for real, not in an ironic joking way).

We went out to the Boston area this weekend to visit Tony's family and I was might happy to come home Sunday night and see that my package from Haus of Gloi had arrived. Like I said above, I have an obsession with lotion. I have shitty Irish skin, also known as keratosis pilaris, and it is mighty annoying, as well as unsightly. It gives me red bumps all over my arms, which I find it difficult not to pick at (but which I inevitable do, making the whole situation worse). The whole thing is aggravated by dry weather, friction - like from sleeves, and lack of sun. Winter in New York makes this more or less the perfect storm for disaster. (Second Side Note: Holy Shit I just read the info to this youtube video and I had NO idea Q. Lazzarus was a woman! My Mind is blown!) Also, since I have pretty crappy student health insurance I can't go to my dermotologist anymore and thus have to make do over the counter and home remedies.

Ooo, who doesn't love getting mail, especially packages!

One of the best things out there, for me at least, is coconut oil based lotion. In addition to being great for skin conditions like my own, supposedly coconut oil is also excellent for preventing premature aging of skin. SCORE! Monoi oil has worked the amazing for me, but it's pretty expensive and hard to come by in my area of the country. In the past I had an addiction to Bath and Body Works Miraculous Monoi but, as with every other Bath and Body Works product that I've ever loved, they discontinued it. Before it disappeared I bought about 10 bottles, but I've since gone through my stock and am not willing to pay $40 on ebay for a 5 year old 4oz bottle of body oil. The Body Shop carries monoi, but if you actually look at the ingredients, coconut oil is pretty far down on the list and you're mainly getting almond oil, those tricky bastards! If you're going to go with The Body Shop, the Monoi Moisture Balm has the highest coconut oil content, but it's also pretty expensive.

Ladies and Gents, it's all about packaging

Thus, I turned to Etsy, my solution to all of life's problems. That's where I found the Haus of Gloi. They've since become so popular they're no longer on Etsy, but that was where it all began for me. Not only are they a super cute couple, but all their products are, as with just about everything else on Etsy, made by hand with love and care. And also everything is vegan, if that kind of thing is important to you.

What's important to me is that their lotion not only be super moisturizing and smell good, but also have lots of good for your coconut oil. Enter their Body Emulsions! I was pretty skeptical at first so I just got a few samples and DING DING, we have a winner! The body emulsion is a light lotion that absorbs quickly into the skin, leaving a lasting scent (although it also comes unscented). In fact, be warned, the scent is quite strong and could actually work as a perfume just fine. For that reason I tend to get scents that compliment my own favorite perfumes, and when I buy, I buy in bulk.

My favorite scents
I also buy in bulk because shipping is $10 for up to something like 6 or 7 bottles of lotion. Because I rotate through several scents I can't really say how long a single bottle will last, but I'd say at least one to two months with daily application. At $10 a bottle that's less than half the price of The Body Shop's Moisture Balm, and almost twice as much product. Definitely worth it.

Part of my collection. This is what addiction looks like. And my African violet looks kind of sad :(

I haven't really tried many of their other products, since I'm so attached to the emulsions, but they also make a collection of scrubs (I'm a soap person), soaps (I'm picky about my soaps, too), perfume oils (Already have too many), and other types of lotion. I'm actually kicking myself in the butt right now because I see that I just missed out on ordering their Valentine's Day scents, which sound absolutely amazing.
Based off of traditional herbs and roots used in Hoodoo to draw and attract a lover, or entice the one you've already ensnared! Bourbon vanilla, tonka bean, a touch of rose oil, Queen Elizabeth root, three threads of saffron and a touch of honey to sweeten the whole deal. - Come Hither Pumpkin Butter
I'm about to start drooling on myself. I refuse to believe anyone who says that doesn't sound awesome. I'm all about tropical, ocean, piratey (yes, that's an adjective) scents, so my favorite ones are Picaroon and Moon Dog (the later being most perfect for summer).

Yes, that's a Lux foot in the background.
Sun scorched mahogany bough crusted with a crystalline sea spray! Faint plundered spices, lemongrass, coconuts, expressed Mexican lime, and Haitian bay rum. - The description for Picaroon, you can see why I am sold
I'm also big into Troika, Honeysuckle Lemon Curd, and Honey Tree. Yes, the names sound amazing. I've tried most of their scents, but the green ones (which I usually love) tend to be a little too strong for me. For instance, Lichi Milk Tea is a bit too sweet, Mad Cap Garden is delicious but has a very strong scent (of mint and tea, so good), Depravity a little too heavy and rich for me, and Peach Mama a little too strong and doesn't really go with any of my current perfumes.  I'm also not much of a food-scent person, but I have to say that Satyr is totally bangarang and smells like a creamsicle.

In conclusion, you should go give Haus of Gloi your business. You can be assured that the stuff your rubbing all over your skin is good for you, not going to give you cancer, and not made by 12 year old Chinese kids. And it smells good, too. What else could you ask for?


  1. You discussed Haus of Gloi, referenced Silence of the Lambs and Hook, and have a totally precious cat, all in one post. Me likee! BTW, Come Hither is quite lovely, just got my order a few days ago and am plotting my next :)

  2. Yes, I wanted to make sure I hit all the major points :P

    Your comment is making me think I'm going to need to place a second order. Perhaps I'll use my sister's upcoming birthday as an excuse, you know, one for her, one for me, etc.

  3. I totally agree with Liber. Come Hither has got to be my new HOG favorite!!! I am patiently waiting for restocks so I can snatch up some more before it is gone for good!


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